Today, she hit the rock bottom
Worrying and dreading
Of unknown things
Again her body gave away
How invalid she feels!
She cannot make any sense
Of this senseless phase
A phase of displeased
Or is it displacement?
Sort of here and there
An oscillating shadow
She is trying to catch hold of
Every nerve in the body
Is going haywire
And speaks its own langauge.
There is a lull in the air
The day dragged on and on
A slight breeze of lethargy
Creeped lethally
And made her day boring
She couldn't fathom
What to do or what not
Her bones made funny noises
As if knocking for a release
From the fortress
She has built herself.
It is almost nine months
That she has caged herself
In that unknown fortress.
Today, she is back to her old self
Bedridden and lost
Her body again started
Acting weird
Dark shadows dance
Infront of her eyes
And she finds no way
To escape from the darkness
Sometimes she feels
She is nearing the end
Yes, there are days
When she feels she is on cloud nine
But, those are very few
Most of the days are
Enveloped in gloomy thoughts
Today, she felt at peace
The mind was silent
The noises were slaughtered
She kept herself busy
Tending her plants
And then took time
To fill colors
On blank pages
Only colors can take her
To her happy shores
She can feel the warm breeze
Cleansing the cobwebs
Cluttered in her thoughts.
She hears these voices
Voices broken into parts
Different shades of sounds
Loud, mellowed and whispered
She is trying to fathom
This oddness which is lurking
Within her surrounds
Or is it her mind?
Which is playing these games!
She is surrounded by silence
But, she hates this silence
Which is nerve wrecking
And which is eroding her
Sense of belonging.
She wants that silence
Which sooths the soul
And breathes with serenity.
Today, her restlessness
Was beyond her control
She furiously painted
And let the colors
Sooth her nerves
Some unknown fear
Grips at her chest
And she feels lost
A dread of unknown measures
Cruises in her veins
She cannot pinpoint
What is that eating her
But, that feeling of panic
Doesn't stop and she indulges in
Painting images after images on the canvas
To feel alive and to breathe.
Today, the day just dragged on
Enveloping her in a sense of ennui
She let herself go and accept the fate
Nothing much to do
And nothing to feel and gloat
Just a dullness around
Which doesn't go
The only way she can distract
Herself is through colors
She touches the myriad hues
And let them speak her mind.
A very weird phase
As if she has got stuck
Between the walls
Anxiety is ruling
Her every breathe
No particular reason
To pinpoint and to blame
For the bouts of
Apprehensions and doubts
Maybe the cage is getting
On her nerves.
Most of the times
She moves around
Like a zombie
No sense, no goal
She finds herself wrecked and stuck
Inside the messed walls.
Today, she is feeling
A little woozy
A bout of discomfort
Has settled in her belly
The day dragged and dragged
And her groggy self
Managed to overcome
The hours of nausea
There is no more
Commotion in her mind
She just feels numb and silent.
She is exhausted
But happy as
The day went by
In a jiffy
An aroma of life
Floated in her home
And she inhaled deeply
The tiny breathe of distraction
Yes, a distraction, but
Which was worthful,
Colorful and joyful.
Today, hope peeped
Through her window
With a cup of steaming tea
She embraced its beauty
She felt as if her heart
Won't fit inside her ribs
Wrapped in a silver lining
Hope, glided in the sky
Wearing a crown of many hues
It inspired her
To accept life
In all its shades
Maybe tomorrow, life
Riding on the lights,
Will bring more magic
More smiles and more love.
Today, the day went
At a snail pace
Nothing earth shattering happened
She was restless as usual
She caught hold of her saviors
And let them sooth her nerves
They ran on the blank page
As if waiting to fill it
With multiple hues
Red, blue, orange
Yellow, green, pink
Danced on the blankness
Bringing joy to her
Aching eyes and soul.
Today, she felt
As if the whole world
Conspires to make her feel unwanted
She is holding to a ray of hope
To make her understand
What is happening around
Nothing makes sense to her anymore
A herculean lethargy has gripped her soul
She is swimming against the tide
Trying to hold on to her sanity
A complete washout she feels
Aching body and a broken spirit
Sums up her over all.
She wish she could go to the sea
And empty her heart and talk to the waves
And fill the sea with her burning memories and aches
She is desperate to find some piece of sunshine
And let her heart feel alive
She accepts her mistakes
She faces the dreams of the past
She try to leave behind the regrets
And walk on a new path
Which will lead to a better place
Where regrets and repentance
Will merge in the darkness.
Today, her day was hazy
Her eyes felt as if pulled by lead
Such helpless and nothing much to do
Her body doesn't listen to her anymore
The cells are running haywire
Every bone and vein
Runs on lethargic fuel
Every nerve is numb
And the heart is silent
The dreaded thoughts
Can take her overboard
If only there was some
Sense of hope lurking
In some corner of the universe.
Today, she managed to see
The other side of the spectrum
There were multiple hues
Stuck on the asphalt surface
A kaleidoscopic dance
Gazed at her in the night air
Fluorescent streets
And zooming machines
Grained her gazing eyes
She noticed and felt it too
Humanity is very restless
One cannot trap it
Within the four walls
Life is a milieu of
Many desires and temptations.
Today, she is filled with
Too many ominous thoughts
She can feel the shadows looming
In the dark recess of her soul
There are too many noises
Whirring in the mind
The dreaded thoughts
Has the power to take her
To the other side of the shadows
There is no end to this anxiety
This hopeless vacuum
Will suck her one day
In the deep pools of emptiness.
Today, she dared to go out
Throwing all the precautions to the wind
There was fire in her eyes
To prove to herself
That she can do it
She can take wings
Fly high and land back safely
There was an aura of humanity
Jostling through life
Even holding to life itself
A few steps of courage
Can be a real breathe of fresh air.
Maybe the clipped wings
Are finding the wind
In the right direction.
She is a child at heart,
She wants to visit those lanes
Where her childhood danced.
A freedom she cherished
Without any worries
She found happiness
In the vast fragrant meadows.
She understood herself and her truth,
In the arms of the nature, and
Her innocent heart pranced and felt alive
And now, she reminiscences those days
Gazing, at her lonely shadows
She has been thinking
How to deal with the shadows
Forced by a time unparalleled
There are many fissures
Protruding in her conscience
To lay low or to fight back
To find a bit of light
In that tunnel where her mind rests
The days are converging
Into colors and shades of
Blacks, blues, and every shades
Which darkness can embrace
Her eyes do not see anymore
The seasons of bright colors
There is too much of darkness
Around her heart and the soul
Is immersed in a whirlpool of thoughts.
She has so many things to say
But, the tongue is on a hiatus
Everyday she wakes up
With a feeling of gloom
She carries a huge burden on her shoulders
Dragging through the day
Holding on a blade of grass
Nothing works, the mind is numb
The soul has dried up of every desire
There is a huge vacuum
In place of a heart
Days and days of darkness
Will suck her one day
Through the walls of a black hole.
#floatingthoughts
